ENTRY 5
The Man I Want To Be has inspired me in so many ways. I was with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and I had to help him through a lot. He was who I planned forever with. He always had a rough life and didn't know how to find a way out. He was one of the people I cared about more than life itself.
The last time I saw him was October 24th. Four days later, I received a phone call at 3:36 PM. It showed his name on my cell phone, but the voice was unfamiliar when I had answered. It ended up being his uncle to tell me Thomas had passed away early that morning. And the past few months have been very hard for me.
The day I got the call I couldn't help but think there was something more I could do. I listened to two of Chris Young's songs over and over the following few days. The Man I Want To Be, the more I listened to it the more I realized Thomas was his own person, and I knew that we both loved each other unconditionally. It made me realize everyone needs someone there, but they aren't going to change unless they're willing to find help within themselves.
Everyday I have relived the funeral just like it was yesterday; it replays over and over again in my head. But the way I find hope is through the lyrics of The Man I Want To Be. The song is very inspiring. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found Chris's music. I've had my breaking point, and the song shows me there is hope for a tomorrow.
Regardless of my loss, there are people surrounding me who care about me. There was a lot I wanted for my ex. This is all a part of God's plans. With whatever tomorrow will bring, I know he's making me stronger and making me the person I'm supposed to be. He hasn't given up on me, and I can't give up on him.
