Entry 4
The Man I Want To Be has really helped me through some tough times in my life. All of my life I never knew what was different in my mind than other people. I always thought of the negative side of things and always looked at the worst possible situation and made it worse in my mind.
Over the last few years my symptoms got worse and so did my depression. I thought I would just go to the doctor and he would give me something to calm my nerves, and he did. The medicine did work for a couple of months, but then it wore off. I went back to the doctor and he gave me another kind of medicine; however, it had the adverse affect on me. I was at my darkest point, anxiety was at an all time high, and I felt as if I was losing my mind 24 hours a day. I realized that I could not live the rest of my life like this. I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment as soon as possible. Soon after my brother in law lost his grandfather that had been sick for quite some time. For some unknown reason I felt so sad even though I did not really know the man. I could not stop crying, and that night I broke down with my knees on the floor, hands clasped together over my head and I prayed as hard as I could. I was begging God to help me because I could not take it anymore.
That night after I prayed I felt God put his arms around me and comfort me as best he could. My favorite line of the song is “ well I know this late at night the talk is cheap”. I know we say little prayers that we think we mean, but God knows when we need him the most.
I am now on a medicine that is working well, and I pray to God on a regular basis. This song has inspired me to be a better daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I hope that my story inspires others that are suffering depression to get help and not to wait like I did. It is treatable , and it does get better I promise!!!
